the meaningful glow: a weekly archive
painting with Elinor Dashwood, when you don't have a fireplace, and too much pepper on my paprikash
My favorite weekends as a child were those in Autumn and Winter. Everyone was home and around me like a security blanket. It meant staying in pajamas was socially acceptable, teetering book piles could be attended to, baking cookies was a regular occurrence, and my brother and I would rake leaves in between arguing. On Saturday mornings in particular, it meant my Dad would be watching This Old House on PBS. He would usually be in PJs with a newspaper on his lap, drinking coffee from a familiar old mug. Eventually my brother or I would curl against his lean form, half-watching the latest house demo while we read or sent Link to rescue Zelda (again) on our Gameboy. My mom was around somewhere enjoying people leaving her alone (I get that now). I soaked up the coziness and comfort.
In those days, when he wasn’t updating the budget or reading the latest Tom Clancy novel, my Dad was always doing a house project on the weekends. Between 5th and 6th grade he had decided to make our kitchen and living room an open floor plan and to vault the ceiling. Even now he isn’t afraid of big projects, but I think mostly what I learned from him is that it’s okay to make mistakes. You can get mad, sure, but really the only thing you can do is fix what you did, learn from it, and move on.
I realized recently he gets this perspective from his mother: a few weeks ago my Grandma told me casually that yes, having 4 young children was a lot for her, but she took their emotions and tantrums as they came and moved on because it was just part of it all.
My Dad’s hammering, sawing, and tackling things he hadn’t done before was woven throughout my youth. Even now I love the smell of sawdust and Home Depot. Even now I will look up This Old House on YouTube and catch myself whispering, “So, the first thing I want to do is establish the height,” along with Tom Silva.
This past week I found myself tackling a project of my own while Sean traveled for work. My mom had plans to stay with me and asked if there was anything I wanted to work on while she was here. Immediately I thought of our dark, gloomy master bedroom that had turned into more of a storage unit that we - and a baby- happened to occupy. Knowing we are getting new bedding for Christmas this year, I thought to update our room to make it feel like a place I enjoy being in. My dad helped me with cutting in, and the rest of the week I spackled, caulked, sanded, and painted.
As I worked, I listened to a Jane Austen novel, Sense and Sensibility. I can honestly say I am now a massive fan of Elinor Dashwood and feel conflicted as to who she should be with since I can’t remember the film’s ending and still have 4 hours (4 hours!) to go on this book. All I remember from the film is that it perhaps is the source of my passionate love for Alan Rickman from an early age.
The point of all this is, perhaps, tied to last week’s newsletter. I am learning that high-quality leisure can involve using my hands and honestly, it’s quite fulfilling. As a woman, at least in the culture I grew up in, certain tasks or projects were often deferred to male figures. It wasn’t something I consciously realized until I was older, but as a theatre student in college I discovered I loved working in the scene shop.(Though I was a terrible student and often had to recruit a friend to help me with any mathematical elements.) Learning to work with power tools and create things from scraps of wood or buckets of paint was exhilarating.
I am already daydreaming of my next project. This old house of ours could use some work, especially if we hope to move in the next few years. Why should I wait to for someone else to do it?
Have you ever done your own home renovations? Was it a success, flop, or a bit of both? Please share below or reply directly to this email. I love hearing from you.
life with small beings
We are celebrating several “first ever’s” this week: a trip to our local Children’s Museum (highly recommend) and a birthday party. Yes, you read that right. Our first birthday party, other than when my oldest was an infant. The boys loved the museum and it took some effort to get them down from the firetruck to go home. The birthday party was at an indoor play place which my 3 year old took to like he’d lived there all his life, disappearing from view in the higher areas. After my mother heart stopped panicking, I loved watching him enjoy himself. My oldest has some Sensory Processing struggles, as do I , and so he stayed by my side until he became comfortable enough to explore (still with me in immediate view).
Another huge milestone for us - we are officially diaper and pull-up free with one kid. Whoah. It’s amazing.
The baby sprung a surprise tooth. No wonder he’s been cranky. It’s funny, with your first kid it feels like you peer into their mouth every day several times. By your third you realize it’s been a while since you looked and think they have been kind of cranky (at this point you just lump it all together with growing pains or a diaper change) and, lo and behold, there’s a tooth there. The next one is coming and he isn’t sleeping. The coffee pot is officially a full-time operation.
As we move through December, I am, for the first time, feeling excited to start traditions. Christmas baking, movies, you name it. This leads me to one of my favorite winter time practices…
no fireplace? no problem.
When I lived overseas, one of my favorite things was my fireplace. It heated the radiators throughout the house, functioning as both a heat source and natural clothes dryer. Having lived without one now for many years, I discovered these on YouTube a couple of years ago: fireplace ambience videos we cast to the TV.
Look them up for Christmas, bookshops, libraries, even famous landmarks. My kids love them, and if I’m not using the music that sometimes accompanies the video, I play something calming underneath. Roan insists that when he’s cold he needs it on to feel “cozy” - he’s definitely my kid. I often have them on when the kids wake up in the mornings and the house is cold. We snuggle under blankets until someone elbows someone else and tantrums ensue.
A couple of favorites include this cozy bookshop and a wintery stone fireplace view.
reading/listening/learning/watching
Recently it was made known to me that my husband had never seen When Harry Met Sally. Dear Reader, as one of my favorite films of all time this had to be remedied - and he loved it. There is something relatable about the pairing of the ever quirky/knows what she wants but also doesn’t Meg Ryan and the hilariously sarcastic, gentle, and somber persona of Billy Crystal that just does it for me. Also, now Sean gets it when I say “Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.”
I finished this book. It was wonderful and heartbreaking. As a Highly Sensitive Person, I speak to others of you out there - be ready. Even though you know a main character is dying of cancer, it still tore to me to pieces. The thing is, it wasn’t necessarily her death that did it, but the details of how it impacted the people around her. It was a beautiful story, I sobbed the ugliest of snotty tears, and also laughed a lot because it’s Catherine Newman. Only maybe don’t read it when you’re about to get your period like I did because I have been sad for 3 days now.
on the table
Thanksgiving was the second time I have made Lisa at This Pilgrim Life’s pie crust and apple pie filling recipe. I tried another method in between but to me, this is far superior. It’s simple to make, flaky, and melts in your mouth. The second time I made the crust, I did it the day before and kept it in the refrigerator until about a half hour before I wanted to put the pie together. It rolled out much better than the first time. I used an ordinary pizza cutter to do the strips, and after a flop of a first time trying the lattice style, I watched this video to get a better method. The filling is delicious, though I think 3 Tbsp of fresh lemon juice was a little too much for me and I may cut it back to 2 next time. I used Gala apples, but you can use whichever you like best!
This is a long one today and I think it’s because I’ve attempted to get this published several times now. Thanks to life with small children, things often get turned on their head due to unexpected early wakings, toileting needs, or the sudden cry of a child from the playroom over a stolen block. I appreciate your being here.
If this is something you enjoy reading, please share. Connecting with others around the world is truly something I love. As always, you can comment below or reply directly to this email. I will respond as soon as my 3 little monsters - darling children - permit.
In the meantime, I’m off to try and read a book or work on another writing project until a child needs me, oh, 5 seconds after I start.
Warmly,
Jess
cross-promotion(s)
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